my cousin vinny quotes

Don't worry, I'm gonna help you. I should've asked you along time ago for these pictures. Why don't you go to lunch? Judge Chamberlain Haller: What are you telling me? Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, that is a lucid, well thought-out, intelligent objection. Lisa: Hey, a burp is spontaneous. I'm doing good, huh? I have no idea what's goin’ on. Mona Lisa Vito: But you didn't actually read the articles. Vinny: I understand, but ya know, what are your alternatives? Vinny Gambini: I explained it to you already, didn't I? You get thirsty. Vinny: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT FIVE MINUTES!?!? You're gettin’ fucked one way or the other. Ya know, to get acquainted before we uh, ya know, before we get to it. No, no. Thank you very much. Vinny Gambini: Oh no no... in reality. Vinny Gambini: Bill, listen. He was just being the quintessential Gambini. You can't make these marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark! Judge Haller: [banging his gavel] Mr. Gambini, I think you made your point. Vinny Gambini: I understand you played a game of pool with Lisa for two hundred dollars, which she won. Lisa: If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10-16 foot pounds of torque. Vinny Gambini: He's going to show you the bricks. Judge Chamberlain Haller: Once again, the communication process broken down. Can we clarify to the court whether the witness is stating opinion or fact? Lisa: Yeah well what are you, a f***ing world traveler? I'm being booked for accessory to shoplifting. Do you like Mona Lisa Vito's testimony: "The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You come from New York. Vinny: Nothin’, you stick out like a sore thumb around here. It's called disclosure, you dickhead! You're on your own. Vinny Gambini: But your honor, my clients didn't do anything wrong. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. Vinny: Is that what you're sayin’? Okay then, here's my counteroffer: do I have to kill you? I'm just trying to explain. Judge Chamberlain Haller: Two what? you win case after case, and then afterwards you have to go up to somebody and you have to say, "thank you.". Ho! Vinny Gambini: Mr. Wilbur, how'd you like Ms. Vito's testimony? I don't know, suicide, death... Vinny: Look, it's either me or them. Mona Lisa Vito: You're goin hunting? You're gettin' me for nothing, you little f***. Vinny Gambini: Excuse me, I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here. Vinny Gambini: My clients were caught completely by surprise. Vinny … There are only two ways to answer it: guilty or not guilty. Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, please answer the question: does the defense's case hold water? Judge Chamberlain Haller: I don't want to hear explanations. Trial starts tomorrow. Mona Lisa Vito: Think that was a smart move? The case cracker, me in the shower! Now, (enunciating) how... do... your... clients... plead? Could we get any farther away? I should have looked at these pictures before. Judge Chamberlain Haller: Now I expect you to know this information when you come into my courtroom. Vinny Gambini: You look like a f***in' tourist. Well here's my counter-offer... do I have to kill you? Let's get this cleared up right now. Here's the certificate of validation. Vinny Gambini: Whoa. Nah, I think I'll just go with the two hundred. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. [Lisa comes out of the bathroom], Lisa: Imagine you're a deer. I'm just tryin’ t’explain. Lisa: Oh, Vinny! Defense attorney Bruce Castor was compared to the inept lawyer from the movie “My Cousin Vinny” following his opening argument in Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial before the … I got no money, a dress code problem, and a little murder case which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids, not to mention your (stamps foot three times) biological clock; my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on? Tipton: [embarrassed] I may have been mistaken. And then afterwards, he asks me to go to lunch with him. You spot a little brook. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. The D.A. This car had an independent rear suspension. Vinny Gambini: And why not? They're inbred. A fuckin’ bullet rips off part of ya head! I'm the one that's under the gun here. The choice now is: I get my ass kicked, or, option B: I kick your ass, and collect the 200. Vinny Gambini: Thank you, Ms. Vito. View Quote. Stan: The Klan's here. Vinny: Hey, I'm doin’ a favor here, ya know. But what's most important is winning the case. How do you like your grits? See more ideas about my cousin, marissa tomei, favorite movies. I'll just take care of Sleeping Beauty. Lisa: You wanna know what I'm nervous about? Hey, sleepin’, huh? Ya know, maybe we should spend a couple minutes together. Posted by. I am in the dark here with all this legal crap. Lisa: Well, I guess that plan's moot. My Cousin Vinny. (motions for him to approach the bench) All I ask from you is a very simple answer to a very simple question. Judge Haller: [hangs up, returns to Vinny] He's gonna call back after 3. With Joe Pesci, Marisa Tomei, Ralph Macchio, Mitchell Whitfield. Vinny Gambini: Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. Ya know, maybe I should start wit you. If I was to kick the shit outta ya, do I get the money? Vinny: That's it. Vinny: You like to renegotiate as you go along, huh? I could do it. You f***ing up this case or what? You know, when you rebuild a carburetor, the first thing you do is you take the carburetor off the manifold? (Stares upward to indicate him thinking of anything else) Is it possible?! I don't want to hear commentary, argument, or opinion. All the while he's laughing and smiling. You’re prancing along. Is that correct? Jim Trotter: Your Honor, I move to disqualify Ms. Vito as an "expert witness"! Vinny Gambini: You just keep asking about Chinese food. Vinny Gambini: When you look at the bricks from the right angle, they're as thin as this playing card. A great memorable quote from the My Cousin Vinny movie on Quotes.net - Vinny Gambini: I understand you played a game of pool with Lisa for two hundred dollars, which she won. That'll intimidate Trotter. Vinny: Yeah, I mean it's your ass, not mine. You spot a little brook. Judge Chamberlain Haller: All I ask from you is a very simple answer to a very simple question. Lisa: I want a wedding in church with bride's maids and flowers. Vinny: Ms. Vito, you're supposed to be some kinda expert in automobiles, is that correct? I'm sorry. Let me question the first witness. Dog shit, what a clue. These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest. When two Italian-American boys from New York are falsely accused of murder in a small Alabama town, they call for a lawyer--but the only lawyer they know is their cousin Vinny (Joe Pesci), who made six attempts before he passed his bar exam. Bill: Right. Judge Haller: Can you answer the question? My Cousin Vinny quotes are certainly quotable for movie fans. Vinny: Oh. But the whole time I was watching this movie I was focused completely on Marisa Tomei and what she was wearing. Judge Haller: Why is it a trick question? 1. Vinny Gambini: How the f*** did I get into this shit? Jim Trotter: Impossible because you don't know the answer! View Quote . Vinny: Uh, everything that guy just said is bullshit. Bill: [on the phone] We think they're trying to set us up as patsies, Ma. Terrific. I mean, these people, they love to argue. Lisa: It's a bullshit question, it's impossible to answer. My Cousin Vinny starred Joe Pesci as Vinny and Marisa Tomei as Mona Lisa Vito; Tomei won the 1993 Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her portrayal. It's broken? So obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast. Here's one of me from behind. Judge Haller: Objection sustained. I'll leave quietly, no grudges. A great memorable quote from the My Cousin Vinny movie on Quotes.net - Vinny Gambini: It is possible that the two utes... Judge Chamberlain Haller: ...Ah, the two what? Or do you like some of the lesser known lines from the film? Judge Chamberlain Haller : Once again, the communication process has broken down between us. Judge Haller: No, I don't think you do. Trust me, they're amateurs. “How you feel when you know you just bombed that test.”. Stan: (somewhat sarcastically) Gee, thanks. Are we clear on this? You can't even win a case by yourself, you're fuckin' useless.” Joe Pesci - Vinny Gambini Hey, relax, relax. I really could. My Cousin Vinny Quotes. Judge Haller: I don't wanna hear explanations. He has to show you everything, otherwise it could be a mistrial. share. Judge Haller: Well, that would certainly explain the hostility. Close. Judge Chamberlain Haller: Sustained. Released on March 13, 1992, the tagline quote for My Cousin Vinny was "A Comedy of Trial and Error." “Imagine you’re a deer. Judge Chamberlain Haller: You won't. The other had the same body length, height, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest. All right, get it. Vinny: Five minutes? The kind used by Cal Tech High Energy physicists, and NASA engineers. It was distributed by 20th Century Fox and released on March 13, 1992. Give me a chance, one chance. Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. Stan: Why didn't you ask them any questions?! Bill: You knew you could ask questions, didn't you Vin? "C-A-LLO!". Meanwhile, ten years later, my niece, the daughter of my sister is gettin’ married. Vinny Gambini: And why not? Vinny: [advancing on Tipton] You sure about that five minutes? Vinny: Yes, but there seems to be a great deal of confusion here. Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, it has been argued by me, the defense, that two sets of guys met up at the Sac-O-Suds, at the same time, driving identical metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles. Lisa: Don't worry, I'll find a way to bail you out. Stan: Maybe if you put up some kind of a fight, you could have gotten the case thrown out! And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as give the … All I ask is for that one chance. I swear to God, I do not need this right now, okay? Vinny Gambini: Let me show you something. What was stranger — the far-fetched, centrally-planned plot to swing the election? I'm not jerking you off. Vinny Gambini: Your Honor, may I have permission to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness? Judge Haller: (to the jury) Objection sustained. If I was in your situation, I'd wanna get through this whole thing as quickly, and with as little pain as possible. That they plead not guilty? Quotes.net. Vinny Gambini: I object to this witness being called at this time. Lisa: (scoffing) That's a bullshit question. Judge Haller: Alright. Vinny Gambini: That's it. You're gettin’ me for nothin’, you little fuck. You see, my clients... Judge Chamberlain Haller: Uh, Mr. Gambini? Vinny: Lisa, I don't need this. Vinny: My clients were caught completely by surprise. Vinny Gambini: Sheriff Farley, uh... what'd you find out? Vinny: Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove! Lisa: What the f*** is going on here, Vinny? 's got to build a case. I couldn't hear you. I mean, they live to argue. Stan: I didn't know it was such an honor to get a visit from you. Unless, by some miracle you happen to win this case in the next 90 minutes. Giuliani quotes 'My Cousin Vinny' while discussing election lawsuits. Vinny Gambini: I got thirty f***ing minutes to take a shower, get a new suit, get dressed and get to the f***ing courthouse. (Vinny slips guard a 'tip', and enters the cell). Vinny: What the hell was that all about back there? Vinny: Does that freight train come through here at 5:00 A.M. every morning? Jim Trotter: Objection, Your Honor! Vinny Gambini: No don't. Uh, uh, what was that word? 1 month ago. report. Judge Chamberlain Haller: Uh... did you say "utes"? You come from New York. Vinny: Excuse me, but I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here. There are only two ways to answer it: guilty or not guilty. At least I'm wearin’ cowboy boots. My biological clock is (stamps foot three times) tickin’ like this, and the way this case is goin’, I ain't never gettin’ married! The defense is wrong! Alls I know is that you're screwin’ up and I can't help. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars? * That's great! Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, didn't I tell you that the next time you appear in my court that you dress appropriately? *Dog Shit! You killed a good old boy. You like 'em regular, creamy or al dente? I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage. Lisa: Did it ever occur to you that it could be turned off and drip at the same time? Were these magic grits? Judge Chamberlain Haller: Would you please answer the counselor's question? Vinny: You're actin’ like you're nervous or somethin’. Vinny was just being Vinny. I'm goin’ wit option B, (takes his coat off) kickin’ your ass and collectin' two-hundred dollars. A great memorable quote from the My Cousin Vinny movie on Quotes.net - Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. I didn't know it was such an honor to get a visit from you. 70+ Funny My Cousin Vinny Quotes From Marisa Tomei And More Published May 21, 2020 Here’s a selection of My Cousin Vinny Quotes, covering topics such as deers, youths, movies, love, life and Joe Pesci. I like this, uh, this is our first hotel room right? The tire mark stayed flat and even. Hotel Clerk: I know. Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process just because you find yourself in the unique position of defendin’ clients who say they didn't do it. Sheriff Dean Farley: No. You're now in contempt of court. A great memorable quote from the My Cousin Vinny movie on Quotes.net - Vinny Gambini: I object to this witness being called at this time. So, ya know, let's try our best to make this a simple, in-and-out procedure. Vinny Gambini: Uh... what word? Judge Haller: Once again, the communication process is broken down. My Cousin Vinny. “Jim Trotter: what do you do for a living? No more questions. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. You know how corrupt it is down here. I ain't slept in five days. Lisa: Well, I hate to bring it up because I know you've got enough pressure on you already. I'm here to collect. Stan: The Klan's here. : Hey there little Yankee wuss! President Trump Donald Trump … Vinny: What friends you got in the clerk’s office? Judge Haller: Do you two know each other? : How 'bout if I just kick your ass? His whole case is an illusion, a magic trick. Lisa: Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory edition, signature series torque wrench. Stan turns to his public defender]. I've got a judge that's just achin’ to throw me in jail, an idiot who wants to fight me for two hundred dollars, slaughtered pigs, giant loud whistles. I did not come down here just to get jerked off. Judge Chamberlain Haller: This is your opinion? Jim Trotter: Now, uh, Ms. Vito, bein’ an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me... what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor? [Vinny has just slept through Trotter's opening statement and is asked to give his]. Judge Chamberlain Haller: No, I don't think you do. I think you should be down on your fuckin’ knees! You see where the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? I never thought of becoming a lawyer. Lisa: I had a friend send a fax to the judge, confirming the very impressive legal stature of Jerry Callo! You're prancin’ along. Vinny Gambini: Oh, excuse me, Your Honor... D.A. He'll show them to you in a very special way, so that they appear to have everything a brick should have. I'm not done yet. My Cousin Vinny is a 1992 American comedy film directed by Jonathan Lynn, from a screenplay by Dale Launer. Jim Trotter: An out-of-work hairdresser. Vinny Gambini: Oh a counter-offer. Vinny: [Walks back over to Tipton] I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. Now I ask you, do you give a f*** what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing? Like rebuilding a carburetor has a procedure. Vinny: I fit in better than you. 11 Feb. 2021. Vinny Gambini: I bought a suit. Vinny: I fit in better than you. That's it! He talks to Billy alone and explains that Trotter's case looks airtight but is actually very flimsy -- Vinny gravely tells his cousin that nobody can fool a Gambini so easily. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. Are you sure? The state of Alabama has a procedure. What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you? Vinny Gambini: I would love to hear this! Judge Haller: What are you tellin’ me? Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. It appears to me that you want to skip the arraignment process, go directly to trial, skip that, and get a dismissal. Lisa: Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal Departments of Weights and Measures, to be dead-on balls accurate. Stan: I'm not jerking you off. These are, I'm sorry, these are going to be a help. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!"? It's dog shit. Vinny: Yeah. Thank you. You've been thrown in jail twice. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Quote of the Day: 'My Cousin Vinny' edition. What are the best My Cousin Vinny quotes? They didn't have enough time. Bill: Stan, I've seen your parents argue. My Cousin Vinny quotes 47 total quotes Multiple Characters Vincent LaGuardia Gambini. Vinny Gambini: And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint? This town doesn't have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Did you look at your watch? Vinny: Hey, I don't blame ya. You're in Ala-fuckin’-bama. Lisa: 'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '62. So it's either wear the leather jacket which I know you hate, or this. View Quote . They thought they were gettin’ arrested for, uh, shopliftin’ a can of tuna. I voted. Vinny: How can you be sure you used 16 foot pounds of torque? Vinny: [the next day, after Vinny was awakened by the train] Yesterday you told me that freight train hardly ever comes through here at 5:00 A.M. in the morning. So I went to law school. And that procedure is to have an arraignment. [Tipton falls silent for a moment. 94% Upvoted. Tipton: [chuckles] No self-respectin’ Southerner uses instant grits. I don't even wanna hear you clear your throat. Vincent Gambini: Ok, you can help. I'll tell ya what I'm nervous about. Vinny looks at a guy who's in a neck brace.]. I'm watchin’ you go down in flames, and you're bringin’ me with you, and I can't do anything about it! Two New Yorkers accused of murder in rural Alabama while on their way back to college call in the help of one of their cousins, a loudmouth lawyer with no trial experience. Vinny Gambini: But your honor, my clients didn't do anything. He'll show you how they got the right shape. What if I was just to kick the ever-lovin’ shit outta ya? Vinny Gambini: Sheriff Farley, just to refresh the court's memory, what caliber bullet was used to murder Jimmy Willis? Counselor's entire opening statement, with the exception of "Thank you" will be stricken from the record. You get thirsty. Vinny: My problem is, I wanted to win my first case without any help from anybody. Mona Lisa Vito: No! (looks up again). Judge Chamberlain Haller: The next words out of your mouth better be guilty or not guilty. Cute little guy. Each piece of evidence is just another building block. I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be very honest with you... nah, I think I'll just go with the two hundred. Well, he did his act, and every time he made something disappear, Vinny jumped on him. Vinny: No. Judge Chamberlain Haller: Uh... did you say "utes"? Judge Chamberlain Haller: Well, that would certainly explain the hostility. Vinny Gambini: I'm doing a favor, you know. You'll be given no leeway whatsoever. Vinny: Is it possible that the two youts--. I've frequently been called a "yoot," by my parents, which led me to question their sanity quite a few times. Donald Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani quoted from My Cousin Vinny during his latest election challenge press briefing trying to overturn the election victory of President elect Joe Biden. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. I could use a good ass kickin’, I'll be very honest with you. What's this over here? Lisa smiles excitedly, and the entire courtroom stares at Tipton apprehensively, realizing he’s been stumped]. I take pride in my grits. Giuliani quotes ‘My Cousin Vinny’ as he sets out conspiracy theories at bizarre press conference. Vinny Gambini: Yeah, well, the man's a seriously accomplished lawyer. There may be one that you enjoy reciting. Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. Bill: We think they're trying to set us up as patsies, Ma. J.T. Ah, here's one of the tire marks. You win all your cases, but with somebody else's help, right? You win case, after case, - and then afterwards, you have to go up to somebody and you have to say- "thank you"! Stan Rothenstein: No, you're being booked for shoplifting. Is that correct? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit... faster in your kitchen... than on any place on the face of the Earth!? Vinny Gambini: Look, it's either me or them. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. I'm a fast cook, I guess. We'll use your pictures. Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. I have been listening to My Cousin Vinny quotes my whole life. A f***in' bullet rips off part of your head. [Vinny sits back, contently crossing his arms]. Fred Gwynne was also memorable as the judge in My Cousin Vinny. Vinny Gambini: Yeah, it's your ass, not mine. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. How many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic? Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process just because you find yourself in the unique position of defending clients who say they didn't do it. Did you just say you're a fast cook, that’s it!? If I was to kick the shit out of you, do I get the money? But there's one thing he's not gonna show you. Vinny Gambini: What about these pants I got on? Vinny: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Vinny: Well, I just got in. Mona Lisa Vito: Oh my God, what a f***ing nightmare! [Vinny is trying to dress properly for a hunting trip], Vinny: What about these pants I got on? I get... the point. This is a tough decision here. [Haller looks shocked by the exchange, while Lisa gives Vinny a proud look, and someone in the public gallery applauds. Oh my God, what a fuckin' nightmare! Vinny: What the fuck is your problem? Stan: My parents argue too, it doesn't make them good lawyers. Now, can you tell us by what you see in this picture, if the defense's case holds water? It is more than just a lifestyle. Vinny: Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough. You think they're okay? That's what we lawyers - I'm a lawyer - we lawyers call that a counter-offer. The film's funny quotes, dramatic quotes, poignant quotes, and more. What are the best My Cousin Vinny quotes? Counsel's entire opening statement, with the exception of "thank you," will be stricken from the record. Stan: My alternatives? I'm bound to f*** up a little. He wants to make a brick bunker of a building. Stan: No. That they plead not guilty? Vinny Gambini: Sure, sure I heard of grits. But this Judge Malloy, who's from Brooklyn, too? There's just enough humanity in his caricature to make Vinny likable and entertaining. Mona Lisa Vito: You know, this could be a sign of things to come. Building a case is like building a house. There is NO WAY this is not goin’ to trial. I react harshly when you don't. Lisa: You f***ing shower, I'll get your f***ing suit.

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